Helpful advice for brides and grooms planning their wedding. I recently had the privilege of planning a destination wedding for Allison Jupiter , a licensed psychotherapist in New York city to Alex Korson. Allison recently wrote a blog post on her website offering emotional pointers for brides who are in the midst of planning their wedding.
I especially enjoyed what Allison wrote – ” Redefine your definition of the Perfect Wedding ” . Allison planned an ocean view ceremony and “yes” it rained and we had to move the ceremony inside but as she wrote – “It is important to keep in mind that the wedding day is not an indicator for the rest of your marriage. The wedding is a day for your family and friends to celebrate the beginning of YOUR new family. Have fun!”. And ” YES ” the wedding was flawless and so much ” FUN “.
Emotional Pointers for Wedding Planning – written by Allison Jupiter, LCSW – R – June 18. 2012
Wedding planning can be an exciting, yet overwhelming experience. Many of my clients will arrive in my office showing off their new ring or tell me how they proposed with a sense of excitement. Others will come into my office crying about how much they have to do and how they are having difficulty negotiating with friends, families, and vendors. I thought it might be helpful to share some of the pointers I have provided my clients with over the years.
1. Negotiables and Non-negotiables: I strongly recommend before you and your fiancé begin any wedding planning you determine 3-5 things you truly care about and what you do not need at your event. Is it necessary to have fresh flowers? Is a band or a DJ essential? Do you want a big wedding or a small wedding? It is important that you and your fiancé are on the same page about what items you care about. This way you both can minimize the fighting between the two of you and let go of the items you may not feel are as important.
2. Ask for Help. There are going to be a lot of details to worry about in a wedding. Many of my patients feel anxiety trying to decide on the Save the Dates, the Invitations, the Rehearsal Dinner, etc. If you have determined the 3-5 items you and your fiancé deem essential, then ask others for help with the non-essentials. You cannot do everything yourself and relying upon those closest to you will help minimize your stress levels.
3. Assess Personality Styles of Family and Friends. Just because you are planning a wedding, it does not mean people’s personalities are going to change for that time period. If your future mother in law has given you unsolicited opinions prior to your engagement, she probably will give them about the wedding as well. If your groomsman is forgetful, he might forget his cufflinks that day. Or if your grandmother does not like loud music, I suggest not placing her at a table near the band. It is important you determine what are the strengths and weaknesses of those involved in the wedding and work with them. Trying to change anyone’s personality for your wedding is only going to make you feel more anxious, frustrated and disappointed.
4. Practice Setting Boundaries. During your wedding planning, many people are going to ask you things. This could be “Do you want engagement photos?” or “Why are you having a destination wedding?” Some of these questions may seem innocuous and others may hurt your feelings. The key is to remember what your negotiables and non-negotiables are and feel comfortable saying “NO.” You CANNOT make everyone happy at your wedding. You can try to plan a fun and special day, but it may involve setting limits with others to ensure you and your fiancé are happy.
5. Redefine your definition of the “Perfect Wedding.” Every day we see images of the “perfect” wedding on television. While the pictures look amazing, the reality is at least one of the details did not turn out as planned. The photographer may have arrived late or it may have rained during an outdoor ceremony. It is important to keep in mind that the wedding day is not an indicator for the rest of your marriage. The wedding is a day for your family and friends to celebrate the beginning of YOUR new family. Have fun!